


nostalgic minds and sleepless nights

by painted_pictures



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I did my best, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sleep Deprivation, just one sentence though, quite a bit of fluff honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 04:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20868446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/painted_pictures/pseuds/painted_pictures
Summary: Two in the morning wasn’t the latest— or earliest, really— that Dan had woken.(or, dan is doing some late-night thinking)





	nostalgic minds and sleepless nights

**Author's Note:**

> welcome back to episode 27 of “logan doesnt know how to end things”

Two in the morning wasn’t the latest— or earliest, really— that Dan had woken.

He knows right away when his eyes flutter open that it isn’t even close to the time anyone would be waking. He also knows he won’t be able to drift off again anytime soon.

Using his phone’s flashlight, he lights a couple candles. The room is cast in a soft orange glow. It almost looks like the sun is rising.

Dan stands and stretches, a shiver going down his spine at the cold touch of air. He finds a sweatshirt on the floor, pulls it on, and begins pacing.

It’s his normal routine. He used to wake Phil up, but over the years he’d learned to sleep through it.

Dan thinks about the past ten years. How he’d met Phil, every PINOF they had made together, the gaming channel, livestreams, tours. More recently, coming out. It was a lot. If he could go back and show Past Dan what he would someday accomplish, he would be scared. Overwhelmed. Like that wasn’t really him who had done all this.

He isn’t sure he is the same person he used to be. That wasn’t Dan, with the long straightened hair and a trembling hand holding a knife to his wrist. He’d been lost, frightened. He’s so very glad that isn’t him any longer.

A knock on his door made him jump. Phil was on the other side. Dan guesses he couldn’t sleep tonight. When Dan opens the door, his face morphs into a look of concern. “What’s wrong?”

“What?”

“You’re crying.”

He is? He hadn’t realized. “Oh.”

Phil wipes the tears away for him. “Are you okay?”

Dan shrugs. “I think I might be doing wonderfully.”

Phil takes his hand and walks him to the bed. “What were you thinking about?”

“You’re asking too many questions.”

“You know you don’t have to answer.”

Dan leans on his shoulder. He answers anyway. “I was thinking about us.”

Phil puts an arm around the younger. He doesn’t say anything. It’s an invitation to continue, but a sign he doesn’t have to. Dan appreciates it.

“I was thinking about how much we’ve done, and how much  _ I’ve _ done—” He breaks off, feeling a lump in his throat.

Phil only holds him closer. “It’s alright.”

Dan buries his face in Phil’s chest. “Thank you.” He whispers.

It was nice. Holding onto each other. Listening to the other’s breathing, the beating of their hearts slowing and creating a soft tune. They’re fine like this.

Until Dan mumbles, “I’m hungry,” and Phil laughs quietly.

“What do you want?” He asks, standing.

Dan holds out his hand for Phil to help him up. “Dunno. Food, probably.”

Phil doesn’t let go of Dan’s hand while they walk out to the kitchen. Dan doesn’t want him to.

Eventually he decides on some toast. As he waits for it to be ready, he settles next to Phil on the couch.

“Fuck, I love you,” Dan says. “I really do.”

“I know.”

“I know you know. I’m reminding you.”

“Your reminder is appreciated. And reciprocated.”

“I know.”

“Don’t steal my line!” Phil pushes him gently, grinning.

Dan giggles. “I didn’t steal it, I just borrowed it. I’ll give it back sometime.”

They both jump at the toast popping up.

When Dan sits back down, he takes a bite and sets it aside. He turns back to Phil instead.

“I don’t think you know how lucky I am.”

Phil is quiet.

“To have you.”

And now he speaks. “I’m even more lucky. I’ve got the best boyfriend in the world.”

“Second best, I reckon.” Dan corrects.

Phil’s smile shows in his tone. “We’re  _ not _ having this argument now.”

“Damn. I had more reasons this time.”

Silence takes over, but it’s not awkward. It feels natural. Comfortable.

“I’m so proud of you.” Phil says. “For all that you’ve accomplished.”

Dan isn’t sure how to respond. He simply laces their fingers together and squeezes. He knows Phil gets the message.

“I’m proud of me, too,” He finally responds. “I mean, I look back and I think, how did I ever come this far? But I’m so happy I did. I really, truly am.”

Phil pulls him closer. “Come here.”

Dan is against Phil’s chest, being held tightly. He feels safe.

“You’re an incredible person, Daniel Howell,” Phil says.

“There are a lot of incredible people, Philip Lester.” Dan points out.

“You’re my favorite.”

“Aw. I feel special.”

“You are.”

They pause, then burst into laughter at the realization.

“Eight years,” Whispers Phil once they’ve calmed.

“I don’t want to go back to then,” Dan mumbles.

Phil flicks his head. “Don’t ruin the mood.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “What mood were we feeling then?”

“I’m not sure, honestly. Something good,” Phil admits.

“Sorry to ruin it, then.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am a little!” Dan protests.

Phil yawns, then groans. “I don’t want to sleep on the couch.”

“Let’s go to your room, then,” Dan says, ready to get up.

“Put out the candles in yours,” Phil reminds him. Dan nods.

The candles are still burning, the way he left them. He isn’t sure why that surprises him. It might be how he felt like he’d been talking to Phil for hours. Maybe be was. Maybe the candles were very long-lasting.

But when he checks his phone, squinting through the sudden brightness, it’s only 2:42.

He blows out the flames and walks out. Phil is waiting for him.

By the end of the night— or mid-morning, really— they’re resting and holding hands unconsciously and though they’re asleep, both they’re happier than they’ve been in a few weeks.

They don’t set an alarm to wake them up. They don’t need it. Really, they could sleep in all day if they wanted. Neither has anything planned.

They’ve got the rest of their lives to spend. Any second spent with the other is a second that matters.

They’ll have no problem making every moment count.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr! @painted-picturess


End file.
